CEO
Applicant must be able to defeat current
CEO, Brian Barber, in a game of high-stakes "Ants in the Pants."
CFO
Applicant must be able to defeat current
CFO, Mike Scholtz, in the Thunderdome without once mentioning the fact
that he's "nothing but a little raggedy man."
VICE
PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF OVERSEEING OVERSEAS DEVELOPMENT
Applicant must be able to swipe more toys
from his children then current VP, Randy Bauer, who claims that his whiny
brats can go "play in the damn refrigerator."
STYLIST
Applicant must be familiar with the Copa,
Copacabana. Where music and passion were always in fashion.
HAIR
AND MAKE-UP ARTIST
Applicant must not make funny faces when
CEO and CFO insist on combing the Britney Spears doll's hair. (Mardy Young
need not apply.)
ATOMIC
MONSTER CLEAN-UP CREW CHIEF
Applicant must have their own very very
large shovel.
ART
DIRECTOR
Applicant must stop getting hummus all
over the Conan the Barbarian doll's furry pants. Those furry pants are
really really hard to get clean.
COPYWRITER
Applicant must respect restraining order
that applicant's ex-girlfriend insists is legitimate.
GRAPHIC
DESIGNER
Applicant must think that Napster is applicant's
personal license to download crummy music and force the rest of the office
to listen to it.
BEASTMASTER
Applicant must be able to communicate
with animals, fall in love with slave girl Tanya Roberts and seek revenge
against evil priest responsible for father's death. |
